MRSA Superbug Forum |
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Traumatic Brain Damage
Started by Jay |
Posted: November 29, 2006 at 10:30 | |
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Hi, my husbands been in a coma for the past 9 weeks with a sever brain injury. He has a traciostomy which helps him if he needs assistance with oxygen. When this was first put in he developed an infection, his neck swelled up twice the size of his neck. Since he has been in hospital he has a chest infection, and is always couphing up thick yellow secrisions, temperature were his swet drips off him! for the past two weeks he now has MRSA. I have now reached my lowest point, that i dont know how to cope with all of this. I work during the day and am in the hospital with my husband on a night. It is really difficult going back to the home we've been sharing since we married five months ago. Last night was the worst night i've had in the house. I have nightmare's to the point where i wake up feeliing scared and freaked out! I just wander what the future holds and am wandering whether anyone has been in this situation and if their loved one have woken up from the coma... 15678
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #1 by Bev Hurst |
Posted: November 29, 2006 at 10:43 | |
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Dear Jay i am sooo sorry for what you are going through right now it must be terrible for you ~ what are the healthcare workers telling you about the treatment they are giving your husband have they given you any information regarding the MRSA ? please take a look at website www.mrsaactionuk.com it may give you some useful information and please feel free to email info@mrsaactionuk.com anytime best wishes to you 15679
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #2 by Derek Butler |
Posted: November 29, 2006 at 14:15 | |
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Dear Jay. I am so sorry to hear about your husband and the worry that you are going through at the moment. I know to some extent what you are going through at the present time, and I have to say please do not give up on your husband. I know that it is easy for me to say this to you, but my family did go through a very similar situation ourselves some 3 years ago. My Stepfather suffered a massive heart attack and as a result he was in a coma for several weeks and he did come round from this coma for a short period of time. However he did not recognize either my mother or me but this was quite understandable because of the time he was in the coma. I can only assume that your husband has sustained his severe brain injury from an accident, which will make his coma different from that of my Stepfather. My Stepfather however did have a tracheotomy fitted when he was admitted to the hospital following his heart attack. It is common for patients that are in a coma to pick up chest infections because of the fact that they are led on their backs for such long periods. The yellow secretions that you husband is coughing up are the same as that of my Stepfather, but because he is coughing them up means that he has a good cough reflex, which is a very positive sign for your husband. I say this because my Stepfather had a good cough reflex also and the Doctors told us was excellent for him because it meant that he could get the stuff off his lungs himself. If your husband did not have that good cough reflex, it would mean that they would have to give him suction to remove it from him. The Doctors could give him some medication as they did with my Stepfather which helped to dry up the secretions, but I would think that if your husband has a chest infection they would want to clear that up first. Have they got your husband on any antibiotics and if so what is the name of that antibiotic he is receiving. You can check this out from his bedside notes as there will be a prescription note attached to them, have a look and see what it is they are treating him with. You need to talk to the ward sister to try to ascertain just what the treatment is that the Doctors are giving your husband. The medical team that is treating your husband should have spoken to you with regard to this by now; if they haven’t then I would seriously suggest that you try to arrange an appointment with them as soon as possible. I would if I were you, speak to the Doctors and Nurse about pressure relief for you husband, because of the fact that he is in a coma, he is immobile and as such is susceptible to pressure sores. These could become infected and therefore they need to ensure that they have in place a system of pressure relief in place for him. Speak to the sister of the ward that your husband is in to see if this has been put in place. You mentioned that your husband’s temperature is so high that the sweat drips off him. This can be because of his temperature and the infection that he has, but it can be because he is in a coma, and because of this his body is unable to control his body temperature correctly because of the severe brain injury. We spoke to a Doctor when my Stepfather was in hospital who specalises in brain trauma and he informed us that because of the brain trauma my Stepfather suffered his body would struggle to control his body temperature, but that they medical team treating him should look for the other positive signs for infection, such as , a) Pale complexion b) Rapid heart rate c) Rapid respiratory rate d) Any infection sites such as the lungs Jay please do not give up on your husband, I know things do not look to good at the moment, but one thing you can do for you husband right now is to be strong for him because he needs you now more than ever. One thing you can do is that when you visit him talk to him. I know that some people think that a person in your husband’s condition can’t hear anyone, but any person in the medical profession will tell you that the hearing is the last sense that a person loses, so talk to him and tell him you are there. If you can take others that you husband was close to such as parents, children, and friends, anyone to help you through this heart breaking time. I am sure that the Doctors and Nurses will allow you to let your husband hear his favorite sounds providing they don’t disturb the other patients in the ward. Do not get despondent when I say that my Stepfather did not make it, sadly he died. My own father however, was in a serious car crash and suffered serious head injuries like your husband, and he did make it and is still alive today. My own father is 85 and in good health and he spent 2 years in hospital and was in a coma for months. I was only 3 at the time but my family told me what happened as I grew up. My father came out of the coma and knew no one, not even my mother but with the skill and dedication of his Doctor and his family he eventually after a brain operation was able to recognize my mother. She did however have to teach my father some basic things all over again, but my father went back to work after 4 years and worked up to his retirement. In total another 25 years. It is not easy I know working all day and then visiting your husband at night and then going home to the house you share, but you need to speak to the medical team treating your husband as soon as possible to find out what course of treatment they are going to give him. Things are sadly not going to get any easier for you Jay, so you will need all the support you can get from family, friends and colleagues at work. If I can be of any help then please do not hesitate to contact me through this forum or at my e-mail address which is derek.butler6@btinternet.com I hope that this is of help to you My best wishes Derek. 15681
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #3 by linda mccafferty |
Posted: November 30, 2006 | |
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Dear jay,there is a lot of people who have woke from coma's whats on his side is his age i take it to be he is a young healthy man ,he has only been married 5 months to you he will give this his all to fight this believe me .he will hear you jay speak to him talk to him as if he was talking back to you , play his favourite cd to him music is great to people in coma's above all will him to come back to you and his family , your post has saddened me jay with you's only being married 5 months how tragic dont loose faith jay i know you do when anything like this tragic situation happens i will pray for him........ praying can be a comfort im not a bible basher jay but in times of need and sorrow i do turn to this for comfort i do believe someone is listening . you stated in your post that last night was the worse about your nightmare and feeling freaked out this is your brain in overdrive stressful situations does this to you , stress is very powerful to the mind and at this tragic time you must be very over stressed its a terrible time to go through i hope you have family and friends to help and support you jay ,we are here for you jay if you need to talk , im so sorry for you to be going through this try and keep positive, i know thats very hard while you sit at his bed, but be strong not only for yourself but for your husband, he needs you. please do come back on and let us know how he is, my best wishes to you take care . 15700
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #4 by Jay |
Posted: December 1, 2006 at 16:19 | |
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Derek, Bev, Linda Thank you so much for your advise, support and best wishes. I am truely touched that you have taken the time out and emailed. Believe it or not I had already typed out a very long email with all the answers to your questions but I just accidently lost it all so I will start again. Hopefully I can remember everything.. Derek, I'm sorry to hear about both your dads. My parents died when i was a teenager. They died of ill health and cancer. Their death didnt really affect me that much when I was a teenager but the more older I get, and the more in trouble I get the harder it gets for me to think of their death. My dreams are of others, I know that but the faces always appear to be my mothers. Through a difficult time in my life a few years ago, I believed that she looked over me and gave me the strength I needed to overcome the difficult time. I can't seem to get that back now, when that strength matters the most. Derek, just to answer your questions from your email. Z has been getting antibiotics but the problem is, after awhile they stop working on him. I am aware that people can get immune to it but the Doctors do change them when Z isnt reacting to the antibiotics anymore. Also the Doctors change the antibiotics depending on what the results are from blood tests they do on him. Sometimes Z has more than one infection so he needs to get the right antibiotics to fight all the infections. Z also gets paracetamols through out the day to keep his temperature down. And also if he is in any pain. The nurses change Z's positions a couple of times to avoid bed sores but unfortunately his ankles suffer the most. The Physiotherapist prescribed him some boots to keep Z's ankles straight but we were told yesterday that they are not the right ones for him. The physiotherapist also comes round every so often to stretch Z's muscles and tries to sit him straight but they can only do this for a short period of time before Z's breathing is effected. So far from what the therapist said was positive. At least when Z fell from a great height he didnt injure any part of his body apart from the head. God works in mysterious ways! We have fortnightly meetings with the consultants. Yesterday we discussed long term plans. They informed us that they have referred Z's case onto Social Services to find suitable nursing homes where Z can be taken care of with his Traci and also get the same medical attention. The consultant also asked us the dreaded question about what they wanted us to do if Z stops breathing or has a heartattack. It was very difficult but no decision was made at that point. I have always believed in God and i know even though it's going to be hard we cant fight Gods will.. I asked about Z's MRSA infection and they have assured me that he is no longer in danger as this has now cleared up. I am reluctant to believe them but am giving them the benefit of doubt. Hopefully by now they know Z's got a very strong family who will question their judgement if things should go wrong. Linda, I was so relieved when i got your email. You are truely so kind and thoughtful. I felt strength to believe again that day. I just wanted to cry.. Somedays are harder than others. Somedays giving up is easier than have to think about the pain. I always believe in God and have always called out his name whether I was sad or happy. I always kept him close to me. When Z fell i thought it might have been a broken arm, leg, bone but never in a million years would I have thought of this. I even left the house light on thinking we would be home that night. I got the biggest shock of my life when I got to the hospital. I stayed by his side day in day out. I didnt want to leave his side. I lost alot of weight, gave up on myself for 6 weeks. Things are a bit better now, that i'm back at work. it's Z's birthday on the 8th December. He's going to be 33, I'm 27. i met Z when i was nearlly 26. Since then we have been together everyday. The longest time we spent apart was 2 weeks when he went on holiday. I was going to treat him to his birthday this year and also have our honeymoon, we were very excited. Z always thought I was tight and I thought that too, we always joked about it but I wanted to give him a very expensive gift. Linda, I do talk to Z. I even on several ocassions threatened him that something bad happened to someone close to him, hoping that something would trigger him to open his eyes. I felt aweful for lying to him but I gave it a go. Whenever I talk to him, nothing sounds right or makes sense apart from to tell him how much I love him, how he's still adorable in my eyes, how much i need him and also how much he needs to communicate with God and tell him he wants to come back to me. I always tell Z how he is still handsome in my eyes. I stroke his face, his body. Hold his hands, kiss his forehaed, give him nukoo (touching of noses) we did this all the time, it was us being very affectionate. These are the things we always use to do. Yesterday I spent 3 hours cleaning his feet. The Nurses who wash him on a morning dont take off his stockings to wash his feet so its all dry/flakey and hard. It was so bad that the hard skin was peeling off. I was covered in his flakey skin but it was all worth it. When Z use to come home he would ask me to squeez his feet but I told him I wasnt going to touch his smelly feet.. I even named him 'Smelly' we always joked, he would say I wasnt fulfilling my duties as a wife. Now I am prepared to do anything. Whenever I'm there with him on a evening I am cleaning him, I dont like seeing him lying there in dirt. Every breath I take I ask God to forgive me and not to punish me this much. I ask him for compassion, love and mercy upon us. To help us through this difficult time and to bring back my Z to me. Z saved me from being alone and misrable but i cant do anything to bring him back. He was my saviour, how do i save him? he never gave up on me. I feel annoyed and angry when sometimes a lose hope and the strength to fight for him with God. I ask Z for forgiveness for giving up. I soon bring myself together and start praying again. It doesnt seem to matter how much I write to you Linda, Derek, nothing seems to answer my prays. Everyday is becoming a struggle. I know I must be patient but how do you do that when all you want is your husband live again. To love you again. Give you the best hugs ever. Every time I use to argue with him, the only person could fix me was him even though he was the cause of my upset. I just can't tell you how I feel in words... Nothing is enough, nothing cant be compared. My hearts been ripped apart in million pieces and scattered in a grave like rose petals, except I'm alive trying to endure this pain. Jay 15742
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #5 by Maria |
Posted: December 1, 2006 at 22:15 | |
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Jay I am thinking of you both, and I will pray for you as you have faith and that is always a comfort. I don't really know what to say other than hang in there and lean on your family and friends, and us too if you need us, keep in touch and take care. Maria 15755
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #6 by Derek Butler |
Posted: December 1, 2006 at 22:36 | |
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Jay Thank you for your reply, I know how painful it must have been for you to post that reply. I can empathise with everything that you have put in your posting, as when I was reading your words it brought back so many memories of the time that my stepfather was in the hospital. As I was reading those words I could see the pain that my mother was going through watching my stepfather lying in that hospital bed for those 15 weeks, and your words are so very similar to what happened to us. I always believed until that event with my stepfather in that hospital that it must be very hard for someone to be loved by another for such a long time and for them to lose them. But I now realise that it does not matter how long you are with a person, it is how much you love them in itself. To see someone you love in this situation and for you to feel that you are helpless in trying to do your best for them does tear your heart apart. Like your Z my stepfather came into my mother’s life at a time when she was at her lowest. My mother had just gone through a very painful divorce and had also lost her own mother to cancer, I remember her turning to me at the Christmas of 1974 and saying to me as a young boy that things could not get any worse, then just four weeks later she met my stepfather and her life changed forever. From that moment on my mother always said her life started and she never ever looked back again. We were talking only the other day and she said to me, son I am 72 years of age but I have only lived for 32 of those, and I knew at that moment what she meant for that was how long she said she had been in love with my stepfather. I know that you and your husband have been together for only a short time, but I know just how important he is to you, and I can’t but help think just how cruel life can be. There is not a lot that I can say that will help you Jay, but I know that with the help of family and friends they will help you through this difficult time. I know that you will be strong for Z because he must have seen that strength in you from the beginning. There is always hope for him and age is on his side and you know if you need added support that we are all here for you. Remember when you go to see Z to talk to him about anything and nothing, it does not matter if it makes sense, just the sound of your voice will be enough for him. I remember when my stepfather was in the hospital a visitor to another patient told my mother that it was possible that John was in a dark tunnel and that he could not find his way out from that tunnel. He told us that if John could hear our voices that maybe we could lead him back into the light, so please keep talking to Z and never give up on him. My best wishes for you both Derek 15756
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #7 by linda mccafferty |
Posted: December 2, 2006 | |
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Dear jay ,i came to the site at 7pm tonight and read your post, but i was so loss for words i could not replie to you. i could sence that you had wrote this brokenhearted and i was brokenhearted for you .......so you did not cry alone jay i was with you ,i hope it helps you that our thoughts are with you jay .when my mother last year was unconscious all through christmas and new year, i asked god in my prayers to take her or give her back to me. i went to the hands of hope site, and asked them to pray for my mother, i understand the helplessness you are feeling. i felt very weak on trying to cope, i would sit here looking at the support messages and cry and cry and althuogh some messages would make me sob terrible i felt great comfort from them . i do hope im not upsetting you jay ,i hope im bringing the same comfort to you what i recieved when i was going through a terrible time last year. keep doing what your doing jay i know you have a good heart ,your a lovely person thats why Z loves you so much . we are all here for you jay if you need us take care my best wishes . 15759
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #8 by Jay |
Posted: December 6, 2006 at 12:10 | |
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Hi Linda, Derek, Maria, Thank you all again for replying to my email. I really do appreciate your support. I had a terrible day when i got to read your mail. I couldnt stop crying. Since that day things have been going more wrong for Z. He's coughing up blood through his traci. The Dr operated on him yesterday afternoon and had we thought he found the blood vessel that had broken and had fixed it but unfortunately Z is still coughing up blood, all night last night and today. The Dr's will be taking him to the theatre again today to check through all of his blood vessles to find out where else he could be bleeding from. I just feel angry that poor Z will have to go through surgery again if they find anything wrong. I dont see why they couldnt do all the correct checks before operating on him yesterday and as if Z hasnt been through enough already. Z is looking very weak and more vulnerable now than ever before. My Z is very poorly and all this is happening to him. His mum is in hospital also so the entire family is running around from one hospital to another. My sister in law said to me that she felt as though she lives in hospitals and this is how we all feel. We just feel it's great to have the best Consultant looking after him but what happens when others around him is incompetant with no commonsense??? 15865
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #9 by Maria |
Posted: December 7, 2006 | |
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Hi Jay I do hope Z's surgery went OK today. It is good to know that you have a good Consultant looking after him, but such a shame that things didn't go so well for you and Z. You have a good family Jay and Z would be proud to know that you are looking after his mum too, keep talking to him and telling him you are looking after her. If he hears your voice it will give him strength as you obviously love each other so much. We are thinking of you and hope that things will work out for you. Its OK to cry, we've all been there. Keep in touch Jay as we are here to listen. Love Maria 15882
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #10 by linda mccafferty |
Posted: December 7, 2006 | |
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Dear jay im so sorry to hear Z has went through surgery and sorry to hear he has to go through more, what a time you are having .i know the feeling jay when you stated you feel like you live in hospitals its so horrible .its good to hear you have faith in Z consultant, im afraid i did not have that pleasure with my mothers consultant. if you are finding it tough jay remember we are here for you and thinking of you and Z . keep us updated on Z condition and also on how you are coping. take care jay,my best wishes to you . 15883
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #11 by Jay |
Posted: December 8, 2006 at 15:43 | |
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It's Z's birthday today. I wasnt too sure whether I should make a big deal out of it but in my heart I knew I couldnt just ignore it too. I knew I would have to at least buy him a birthday cake and a card and celebrate his birthday even if it was the two of us. I ordered him a fresh cream cake like the way i had done last year. He was very surprised that I had gone to the trouble but I he had done the same for me. I dont know how to feel today. I'm a bit confused. I'm very sad and lonely today. I cant help thinking that God is punishing me to see how much i can cope with this. I have a strong feeling today that God will make everyone suffer for all our sins and make Z go through all this pain and suffering so that we can see what he's going through before taking him away from all of us! It's like putting him in this situation isnt enough punishment as it is... Today I'm not scared, I am upset with my God that may be I might be right in thinking that. Today, I have spoken to him and have said what I think so he now know's. Somedays, I think if I dont breathe long enough may be I could will my own death. I would just stop breathing... it's not committing suicide is it??? how can it be? I wont be bleeding, I'm not going out of my way to cause my own death. I would just not breathe. Z's mum is living and fighting for her own life in hospital, she's trying to stay alive just to see her son wake up before she dies, in a way that's what I'm fighting for. May be through everything I feel and think, how can I leave this world withought my Z ever seeing me again??? How can I leave this world without not knowing if he ever will return back to me??? I stayed the night at the hospital with Z on Wednesday. He's had a bad week. Watching him couphing up blood through out the night tore me apart. I was begging God to stop him going through so much pain. His right lung is very badly infected they told me lastnight. It's affecting his breathing and is on strong doses of antibiotics. How much more will he suffer?? Please God stop this. Like you Linda I have asked God to either take him or give him back to us on many occassions but now I know better that if God did that it would be too easy for us humans. End of the day what punishment is that if God gives you what you've asked for? my sister always says to me that may be God's making me go through this because he loves me too much and that when I die he might be kind to me. Well, we've been given life on this earth and we belive that this is our paradise and heaven so why do we hurt so much and go through so much punishment already? Why are we going through hell already? I don't want God to be kind to me when I'm dead. I want him to be kind to me now.. I dont want God to make my Z suffer. God can hear us, see what we do, cant he see and hear what heart ache I'm going through now.. How can i possibly be loved by God? I really cant do this anymore. I'm just so torn to pieces. My heart aches for my Z so much. I really dont want to live anymore. I wish God takes me instead. Z deserves to live. I could never be the person he has been or is. I dont deserve life. My prays are useless, I'm useless, I feel nothing without Z. I'm losing myself in a battle between God and I... 15898
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #12 by Maria |
Posted: December 8, 2006 at 17:27 | |
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Dear Jay The heartache you are going through is unbearable, we can see that especially on Z's birthday. Jay you need to be strong for Z and for your family too. But more importantly you need to look after yourself as you are a good person who cares very much about others. If you want to email me in confidence then please do. I don't have access to my email during the day, but I do open it every evening and if you would like to talk to me I will give you my telephone number. My email address is mcann@easynet.co.uk Maria 15899
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #13 by Derek Butler |
Posted: December 8, 2006 at 22:53 | |
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Dear Jay. Please be srong for your Z as he needs you more now than he ever will. I know that it can really hurt when special days come along and things are not quite as they should be, but you must be there for him. Z knows that you love him and he knows that you will always be ther for him, he needs for you to be strong for him right now. Your family need you as much as anyone. Derek. 15906
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #14 by linda mccafferty |
Posted: December 8, 2006 at 23:30 | |
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Dear jay , im really upset that you feel this way ,i understand how hard this is for you jay right now, it is the situation that you are in that you want to escape jay. a lot of people who commit suicide and leave devastation to there loved ones do not really mean to take there own lives, it is the situation that they cant cope with that brings this act to them as they see no other way to end the suffering that they are feeling ,please jay think about the situation you are in and realise that taking your own life will achieve nothing what if Z wakes up ? you are leaving terrible grief and devastation for Z and your family to suffer ,you have got to be strong and hang in there ,this is a low point for you because it is Z birthday and yes jay there may be more low points to come, because of the situation Z is in, but please jay take one day at a time if you feel the coping is to much i would go to your G.P you have a sister who seems to be supporting you ,she is there for you, and we are here to help and support you also jay you are not alone . i know that lonely feeling jay iv been there also ,its not a nice place to be in .the hole you are in.......... imagine looking up and you see a way to get out so what do you do ? you keep digging the dirt, and stepping on it till you rise to the top of the hole and escape . this is what you must keep in your mind jay, there are ways round about situations. we are all dealt a hand of cards jay its what you make of them that makes you a winner .we all have sorrows that we have been through or are going through . remember the "footprints poem"and it will help you to be strong the last verse is.........."When you see only one set of footprints it was then that i carried you ". 15908
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #15 by Jay |
Posted: December 12, 2006 at 09:32 | |
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I don't know why but I feel more strength from you all than I do from people around me. I feel strength to carry on everytime I read all your kind and thoughtful words. You make me believe again and I pick myself up again and cry for giving up, for not believing. I wasnt aware of the 'footprints poem' Linda but, I have so much to thank you for. I found the poem and read it over and over again. I even printed it off and read it a couple of times to Z and cried through it. I put it up on the wall so every day I can read it to give me strength and courage to carry on and know that God will help me get through this. I truly felt God and the Angles beside me yesterday and that is because you have given me something to believe in and have faith in again. I am not alone anymore, I have made friends with God and the Angles he sent to help me in my good and bad times. The Angles have always been there beside me but I have truly found them now. Thank you for giving me something so special and powerful, something that will keep me going for the rest of my life. Derek, Maria, how can I ever give up on Z, he is my adorable babe, he has been so strong through everything he has been through already. I am truly blessed and proud to be his wife. The pain is so much some days that giving up on everything is so much easier. I know he needs me but I need him more. He is keeping me going, one day he will love me all over again. It's so hard writing these words but one day I will get his love. He's my babe, God will give him back to me one day and i'll be there. All my love to you all. 15928
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #16 by Maria |
Posted: December 12, 2006 at 23:04 | |
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Dear Jay That's good to hear that you are feeling stronger. We are all here for you. Linda's footprints poem is a comfort isn't it (Linda is an angel too!). You take care, and you know where we are if you need us. 15930
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #17 by linda mccafferty |
Posted: December 13, 2006 at 14:15 | |
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Dear jay, im glad you found the poem and that you have took comfort from it .thats what i want to give people coming on here you have got to have "hope"im not a person who goes to church to worship,im not here to spread the word .im a person who is very emotional who feels peoples sorrows and grief, and if i can comfort them or show a bit of kindness or say a prayer for them to give them hope, then i will do this .please let us know how Z is coming on and also jay how is Z mother ? take care of yourself my best wishes to you . 15933
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #18 by Jay |
Posted: December 14, 2006 at 11:10 | |
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Linda, it's so easy to lose hope and faith in this world but i know through support and comforting words from people like you, Derek, Maria, I have found and am strong in the reasons why I need to carry on. Z is my one reason why I need to have hope and faith. The thought of him coming back to me and being loved by him again. Just waiting for him to open his eyes is a torture but I know i need to be patient and I can see that now through every word you have said to me. I'm lucky to have people like you who have gone through so much but still have hope and hope that you pass onto others. You've all done so much for me already. I will never forget the comfort you have given me and will tell Z of you all through out my life when he wakes up. I will always thank you all and remember you in my prays. I have alot to thank my God for too, for bringing people in my life who's been so wonderful to me, for making me believe. Linda, Z's mum is very ill in hospital. her kidneys and lungs are collapsing slowly. She has fluid in her lungs which are not draining properly. She's on 24 hour oxygen with small gaps in the middle for water or something little to eat. I normally finish work and then go straight to the hospital to see Z. We've been getting visitors at the hospital to see Z who are family too and the story I've been getting is that the family feel that she isnt getting the medical attention that she should be getting or the care she should be getting from the nurses. The problem is Z has a very big family and they all like to be there for when something like this happens but from what I understand is that they're making it worse by everyone interferring all the time. I feel any decisions that needs to be made is upto the son's, daughter or the husband but this is not the case. Previous to Z and i getting married Z's mum was in hospital with all her major organs failing, the Dr's said that she only had 3% of surviving but after medication and praying she recovered and was able to see us get married. I dont know if this will be the case again but I hope that it will for the sake of Z. He loves and adores his mum, over everyone and I know he will need her for when he recovers. I know you might think I'm crazy but when ever I've said anything to Z about his mum being ill his facial expressions would change, he would stop moving his mouth or flickering of his eye lids and just generally really quiet. He doesnt do much but what he does do stops. I feel as though when I go to give him love and affection, he doesnt want to know because I'm the barer of bad news. I have now stopped telling him of whats happening with her so to not upset him. I know either way it's cruel but if he can hear us I dont want him to suffer anymore. Am I doing the right thing? at first I told him everything that went on but I now know what upsets him and what doesnt because I believe he can hear me. I thought at first it would trigger something in his head to wake up but he hasnt done. Surely it would be cruel to keep on giving him upsetting news if he can't open his eyes, it would only make him frustrated would it? I feel really bad for not going to see her. I went last week and thought she was doing really well. The distance from where Z is and where his mum is far and there isnt alot of time in the eveing to visit both. I know the family understands the situation but I feel bad. I will go to see her at the weekend hopefully. 15952
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Re: Traumatic Brain Damage
Reply #19 by Maria |
Posted: December 14, 2006 at 19:19 | |
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Dear Jay I think you are doing really well for Z, if he can hear you then he must be so very proud of you. Z's mum has been strong and fought back in the past so I think you are doing the right thing by trying not to cause Z anxiety, from time to time the complete truth is too painful to bear and I don't think its cruel by trying to be positive and not worry him. Don't feel bad about having little time to spend with Z's mum, she would want you to be with Z of that I am sure, you are a rock for him and if he can hear you he will be thinking that. Take care Jay. 15953
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